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The current year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the terms this generation is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This means choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {